In the early 1930s an excellent book was written by Archbishop Alban
Goodier, S.J. titled "The Passion and Death of Our Lord Jesus Christ". This
unique book covers the time period from the eve of the passion until Our
Lord was sealed in the tomb. It manages to do so in 424 pages surrounding
citations from the scriptures with detailed explanations using not only
historical facts, but further attempting as far as possible to describe the
Passion as it really took place in the minds and hearts of those who went
through it, especially of Him who was the Central Figure. The author has
apparently meditated well on the subject matter and given us the fruits of
his meditations for us to use further in ours.
20. The Denial of Peter.
But gross injustice and indignity from those who hated Him was not the
only suffering that Jesus Christ Our Lord had to endure in the house of
Caiphas that night. Though all His disciples had fled away from Him at the
garden gate, still it was no wonder that some of them at least could not
leave Him altogether alone. Their thoughts could not but follow Him through
the night. They sought to learn how He fared ; they hoped against hope that
when the trial came He would vindicate Himself as He had often done of old
; that in their council chamber He would put to shame the men who sought
His ruin, as He had put them to shame in the Temple court. Simon Peter
especially, the daring one among them, even while also on occasion the most
timid, could not resist the fascination. He had fled with the rest, after
it was clear that Jesus refused to be defended ; perhaps more frightened
than the rest, seeing that he had been rebuked for his deed of daring. But
he had not fled far. He had hidden himself in the darkness close by ; he
had stopped to see what would happen. The procession had begun its march
back to the city and he had followed after ; in such a turmoil concealment
was easy. On the way he had met with another follower of Jesus, one who was
known in Jerusalem, who was familiar even with Caiphas and his court.
Together they came to the house of Caiphas ; at the gate a guard was kept,
the usual guard who admitted only those who for any reason had a right to
claim access. Peter's companion was one of those ; when Jesus was brought
in he was able to enter with the rest. Peter had no passport ; he was
compelled to wait among the crowd outside.
'Thou also wast with Jesus of Nazareth
With her finger still pointing at him, she turned to those about her and
went on :
'This man also was with him.'
Then, again looking at him, she challenged him :
'Art not thou also
It was indeed a trying moment for Simon Peter :
'Thou art Simon
After such promises as these could it be that Simon should fail. his
Lord, or that his Lord should fail him ? If the gates of hell should not
prevail against Him, could he be beaten by a girl keeper of the gate of
Caiphas ? Simon, chosen from the beginning, assured that one day he would
be made a great fisher of men, the first among the Twelve, who had worked
miracles in the name of Jesus, who had cast out devils in His name, who had
walked on the waters of the lake and had not sunk, whose very ship had been
singled out from among the rest, for from it Jesus had preached, from it He
had commanded the draught of fishes, in it He had slept, that night when
they had come to Him and He had calmed the storm-after all this could Simon
waver now ? Or again, in the past had he not played his part well, and had
not his Master praised and rewarded him for the way he had played it ? He
had been welcomed at the Jordan and had made one of the company. By his
home on the lake-side at Bethsaida he had been called and had followed
promptly, leaving his ship and his nets ; and the Lord had expressly told
him that for that surrender he would one day sit upon a throne, judging the
twelve tribes of Israel. One day, when all others were deserting, he had
stood by his Master and said :
'Lord
On another day, when Jesus had chosen to put them to the test, he had
proclaimed before them all :
'Thou art the Christ
and had been blessed above all the rest for his confession. In proof of his
election he had been taken by the Master into the holy mountain, there to
see and hear what it was not given to others to see and hear. He had been
taken aside and had witnessed miracles which not even all the Twelve had
been permitted to witness. Nay, this very night, in presence of them all,
Jesus had chosen him out from all the rest for special care, had told him
of coming temptation, had assured him of His prayers, had bidden him after
his ordeal to strengthen the others :
'Simon, Simon
After all this, how could it be that in a moment like this he should fail ?
'Will you also go away ?
There was no voice now from heaven which proclaimed him :
'This is my beloved Son
He who had spoken 'with authority and not as the scribes' was now dumb; He
whom no man could accuse of sin was now a criminal on His trial; He who had
challenged and defied all the world was now the world's helpless victim.
His thoughts went back to that day in Capharnaum when He had warned the
Master to be more careful, and not to exasperate these men in power who
were plotting even then to have His life. If only Jesus had listened to
him, and had taken his advice, perhaps these things would not have
happened. But now what could he do ? He could draw no sword to defend Him ;
not even any word of his could be of any avail. The doom had come upon them
all ; in less than an hour the hopes of years had come to nought. Was it
then all a failure? The kingdom, the banquet in the kingdom, the thrones
and high places from which they were to judge the tribes of Israel, the
hundredfold in this world, the life eternal, were they all castles in the
air? What was secure' what could be believed? Where was the rock immovable,
against which not even the gates of hell were to prevail, on which all was
to be built ?
'Art not thou also one of this man's disciples ?'
As soon as he could gain his speech, not allowing himself time for
reflection, the fatal answer came :
'But he denied before them all saying :
Having once denied, the rest was easy ; it is the first step in evil-doing
that is hard. He could now emphasize what he had said ; indeed what else
could he now do ? Was he one of this Man's disciples ? He did not even know
Him :
'Woman
Was the voice his own that spoke ? Were the words he heard words coming
from his own mouth ? Simon listened to himself and wondered what he had
said. He had spoken to avoid the shame of men whom he might well have
despised ; he incurred his own shame, he could not endure
the thought of himself. He had been ashamed and humbled before, but this
was something altogether new ; a sense of unfitness for the company of men,
a clammy sense of foulness, a craving to hide himself away from the sight
of men, even of such men as these about him. He rose from the fire and went
away. He passed out by a gate into the garden, into the night, that he
might get alone. As he walked aimlessly to and fro the sound of a cock-crow
broke on his car, a common thing at night in the East. He had heard it
often in the night before, in his own country-side in Galilee, and it need
have meant nothing to him. But this night it seemed to catch his ear ; it
seemed to bring some recollection to his mind . It sounded like a note of
warning, bidding him beware lest worse things befall him. That he should be
troubled by a trifle annoyed him. Anything annoyed him at that moment, and
he was in no mood to be annoyed, To stifle his annoyance he went back into
the noise of the court.
'And again another maidservant saw him
Then, encouraged, with a look of scorn she turned upon him :
'Thou also art one of them.'
By this time Simon's defences were all broken down. He had uttered a
denial once ; to repeat it was no hard thing. The voice of conscience was
now but dimly heard ; the warnings that before had rushed through his soul
were all gone, or else were so confused that they meant almost nothing. He
had betrayed himself once ; it mattered little now what he said or did. Not
waiting a moment to weigh his words, caring nothing whether they were true
or not, catching up the ribald language of the men about him, he answered
them after their own manner. He avoided the gaze of the woman ; he spoke to
a man in the group ; surely after this, he seemed to say, he would be left
alone.
'And again he denied with an oath :
For a time Simon was not troubled any more. He turned away from his
accusers, and lost himself in the crowd that filled the hall. He had said
that he was not ' one of them ', he had said that he did not ' know the man
'. There in the court beyond him, within sight and hearing, 'the Man' whom
he 'did not know' was still undergoing His ordeal, and Simon had come in
expressly that he might 'see the end'. But now he scarcely dared to allow
his eyes to wander towards Him. Instead he would try to forget Him; He
would try to forget himself. He would mingle with the rest and would be one
of them. He would do anything to escape the sense of guilt that spread over
him as very slime. By noise, and garrulity, and boasting, he would lay the
specter that now pursued him whichever way he turned.
'I adjure thee
The words were an echo of Simon's own confession long ago. He heard the
answer to that question, yet more clear than ever he had heard it before,
spoken with yet more authority :
'Thou hast said it
Strive as he might, in that awful silence, Simon could not forget the
question that had been put to him hard by Caesarea Philippi :
'Whom do you say that I am ?'
still less his own spontaneous answer :
'Thou art the Christ
He recalled the reward he had received for that declaration he had been
made Peter, the Rock, against which nothing should prevail. Till that night
he had lived in the glow of that promise. He had heard his own words
confirmed on the mountain :
'This is my beloved son
and had cried out, in an ecstasy of joy, that it was good to be there. He
had discussed since then with his companions, again and again, when at
length the kingdom would be founded ; that very night they had hoped it
would have begun.
'Depart from me
But his movements attracted attention. That while all the rest pressed
forward one should press backward could not but be noticed. His neighbors
looked at him ; they noticed the fear in his eyes, that harmonized ill with
the affected bravado in his manner. They heard his speech, and his accent
was not that of Judea. It was that of the North ; it was that of the
Galilean himself; little provocation was needed to make this mob turn upon
any Galilean. One of the crowd framed the charge, as one in a crowd will ;
the rest took it up, careless whether it were true or false, so long as it
gave an opportunity for baiting :
'Surely thou also art one of them
Had the mocking accusation ended there Simon might yet have escaped. But
no such fortune was to befall him. The mockery attracted the attention of
one who had been with the captors of Jesus that night at the garden gate.
He had some rank among his fellows, for he held an office in the high
priest's household. Moreover he was something of a hero among them, for he
could boast of being a kinsman of the man who had been wantonly injured by
one of Jesus' company. This man now looked at Simon ; he thought he
recognized his face. In the light of the lanterns on the hill-side
impressions were doubtful, on the other hand Simon's were features that
were not easily forgotten. The mob was hooting ; he would join his witness
with the rest :
'Did not I see thee, he said
It was a charge which Simon was unable to escape. The hounds were upon
him and he was at bay ; they were hot with triumph over their first victim,
they would not scruple now about a second. Simon was compelled to act at
once ; if he would save himself he must not hesitate. By now he had got
used to denial, to add a third to the two before was now an easy matter.
Moreover through the night he had listened to the language of blasphemers ;
now that same language came from his own mouth easily enough. He cursed as
they cursed ; he swore as they swore ; he would swagger and be brave as the
rest of them, as is the manner of a coward. And his courage found
expression. Scarcely thinking what he said, he added to his oaths :
'Man
And some approved him for a brave fellow, and some claimed him as one of
themselves ; and all in their hearts were convinced that he lied and
despised him.
'Amen I say to thee
Worse still, as he stood there paralyzed, the procession that was bearing
Jesus away passed him by :
'And the Lord turning
Jesus turned aside and looked at Peter. Their eyes met and they knew
each other ; and they knew each other as friends. Then Jesus had heard what
Simon Peter had said ; He had heard it and yet had not forsaken or
abandoned him. It was the same look, however saddened by this last
experience, which He had always bestowed upon him ; on that first day by
the Jordan when Simon had come to judge of this new Prophet and had been
conquered ; by the lake when he had been called, and without a word had
followed ; in the boat when the draught of fishes had been given him, and
he had pleaded to his Lord to leave him ; on the lake that night when Jesus
had bid him come to Him across the water ; in the synagogue at Capharnaum,
when men deserted Him, and Simon had said they would not go away ; by
Caesarea when He had asked Simon for his confession and he had made it ; on
the mountain when Simon had been frightened, and Jesus had leaned down and
touched him and all had been well ; on the roadside in Judea, when He had
taught him lessons of humility, and forgiveness, and prayer ; that very
night in the supper room, when He had given Simon his last warning and had
assured him of His prayers ; in the garden, when in distress He had come
and pleaded to him to watch and pray with Him ; at the garden gate when He
had bid him put up his sword, and then had secured that he should go away
free. It all came back on Peter now. Jesus had always been the same, in
praise or in blame, in success or failure ; He was the same now, even under
this ordeal. Had Simon lost his faith in Jesus ? This only he now knew; in
spite of what he had done Jesus had not lost His faith in Simon. He still
would trust him ; He still would love him ; Simon was still His own; all
this was shown to Simon in that single look:
'And the Lord turning
It was all over in a moment. None but Simon Peter had noticed that look
; as with Judas, so with Peter, Jesus would not betray His own. The
procession passed through the courtyard. Soon the Master was out of sight
and Peter was alone ; alone in that throng of ribald men. He must get alone
he must hide himself from every human eye. Why did not the earth gape open
and swallow him ? It was no longer fear that possessed him ; it was love
that had revived ; and with love sorrow unto death, and with sorrow yet
more love' till Simon no longer cared who stood about him. He forced his
way to the door ; even as he went the tears were brimming in his eyes and
he could not stay them.
'He began to weep' ;
When he was at last alone he wept bitterly. Tradition tells us, but we
scarcely need the witness of tradition, that from that day Simon Peter
never ceased weeping for that deed, till the tears he shed wore lasting
furrows on his face.
Although this book is out of print, it is expected that such a classic
may soon be available again. We hope that this short excerpt [pp. 209 to
221] may help towards this end, and encourage people, at least, to seek the
book at a local library to enjoy and profit from.
But his companion was able to use influence. He could not hide the fact
that Simon Peter was a Galilean still he could claim him as an acquaintance
of his own, a man from the country, come up for the Paschal festival, a
harmless individual, only interested in the fate of his fellow Galilean,
and likely to do harm to no one. With arguments such as these he persuaded
the portress at a side entrance, and Simon Peter was admitted. The woman
eyed him as he entered ; Simon's tongue was active while he passed through
the doorway, and she was quick to detect his Galilean dialect. She noticed,
too, a certain eagerness, a certain anxiety, about Simon, which told her at
once that his coming in was not due to curiosity alone. As he turned his
back upon her she smiled to herself in contempt ; what she had observed
about Simon might be useful later on.
It was cold in Jerusalem that night. If we except the two storms on the
lake of Galilee, this is perhaps the only place in the Gospels where we are
actually told the condition of the weather. We are told that it was cold,
yet it was the month of April, and April in Palestine is not usually cold.
But in the East the hottest days may have very cold nights, especially in
high or dry districts ; as soon as the sun goes down the temperature falls
suddenly, and a cold wind will begin to blow. So was it that night. It had
been a warm day ; earlier in the night, in the Garden of Gethsemane, which
was down in the valley and sheltered, there had been no inconvenience from
the cold. But here up in the city, on its high plateau, the attendants in
their light garments, standing about the flagged courtyard, felt the change
of temperature more keenly. They had therefore done according to their
custom on such nights ; a fire was lit in the middle of the courtyard, and
the men were squatting round it, careless of all that was going on in the
open court beyond, content that something had brought them together.
In the midst of this careless group Simon Peter gradually found a place.
No sooner had he gained admission at the door than all his courage left
him, as it had left him that night in Galilee, when, at his Master's
bidding, he had stepped out boldly on the waves. But this time, on these
troubled waters, there was no Master present to whom he could appeal ;
there was no ship behind him to which he might retreat. He had entered the
courtyard with his usual impetuosity ; now as he stood there he was
terribly alone. To find some companionship he mingled with the rest; he sat
down with them by the fire and warmed himself, doing as they did, choosing
a place from which he could observe what went on in the court beyond. There
was no one there who knew him, no one would care about him; the more he
stayed with the crowd the safer he would be.
But he had miscalculated. Besides the men hanging round the fire there
were others passing to and fro, some sauntering from one group to another,
others serving the soldiers with liquor or whatever they might need. Among
these was the servant-maid who had admitted Peter at the gate. She chanced
to pass by the fire ; the light was shining full on Peter's face. She
recognized the Galilean ; she detected the fear in his face, seeking to
hide itself beneath a show of swagger and bravado ; it was a sight that
provoked the woman in her to taunt him. Besides, if she told what she had
discovered about him, it would cause ribald laughter from those about the
fire ; and that was a pleasure too good to be resisted. She stopped in
front of him, the fire between them ; she looked on him with a contempt
that made him shrink before her. She pointed at him with her finger;
presently, in a shrill, hard voice, which none could fail to hear, she said :
The Galilean.'
One of this man's disciples ?
Thou shalt be called the Rock.'
'Thou art Peter
And upon this rock
I will build my church
And the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.'
To whom shall we go ?
Thou hast the words of eternal life.'
The Son of the Living God',
Behold Satan hath desired to have you
That he may sift you as wheat
But I have prayed for thee
That thy faith fail not
And thou being once converted
Confirm thy brethren.'
Recollections such as these galloped through Simon's brain as he
listened to the woman's taunt and challenge. Beyond her in the court he
could see his Master, where he stood before His judges, His hands bound
behind Him, no longer able to lift His trembling disciple up as he sank
beneath the wave. He could hear the witnesses pour out their false charges
; yet Jesus no longer looked about Him and asked :
In whom I am well pleased.'
So, far more quickly than they can be told, did the doubts and questions
rise and fall, chasing each other in Simon's fevered soul, like the waves
on the tossed waters that stormy night when he had walked on them alone.
'Meanwhile the woman's words were ringing in his ears ; their sting was
piercing his heart. 'Nazarene', 'Galilean', 'One of them' ; at one time he
had thought he would never have heeded, now they made him wish the earth
would open and swallow him up. Leering eyes were turned upon him; jeers
were on the tip of every tongue ; what good could Simon do, to himself, to
his Master, to anyone, by standing up now in His defence, even by
acknowledging the truth about himself? There were two men suddenly
struggling within him. There was the Simon that still loved, that still
believed though the clouds had gathered round and all was black, that still
pleaded to him to be true ; and there was that other Simon, impetuous in
word and act, brave to dare yet fearful in a crisis, overawed by the
opinions and conventions of men. The first Simon bade him at least say
nothing, to leave this place of danger ; the second Simon wavered, argued
with himself, begged that he would be a man among men.
And the second Simon won. The woman had asked :
Woman
I am not.'
I am not
I know him not
I neither know nor understand what thou sayest.'
Scarcely had he done so than he was again accosted. He had put himself
apart ; his coming in from the garden alone drew the gaze of a group
standing by upon him. They had been speaking of this Jesus and His
followers ; they had abused the first, it was natural to abuse the others.
Suddenly Simon came upon them, out of the darkness. Another serving woman
looked at him. She told herself she had seen that man before. She
remembered ; she had seen him once upon a time with Jesus of Nazareth. She
cared little what she said ; she spoke before them all the thought that was
passing through her mind :
And she began to say to the standers-by :
This is one of them
This man also was with Jesus of Nazareth.'
O man I am not
I do not know the man.'
For an hour or more Simon went among the crowd, careless as any one of
them without, trembling and wretched within as any beaten creature.
Meanwhile in the upper court the trial went on, and now was drawing to an
end. He heard the evidence of the witnesses, and he knew the reply that
could be made to each ; but he could not speak, his tongue was tied, he did
not wish even to listen. At length, at a solemn moment, he saw the high
priest stand up. The hall became deadly silent ; he heard the terrible
question :
By the living God
That thou tell us
If thou be the Christ
The Son of the blessed God.'
I am.'
The son of the living God.'
In whom I am well pleased',
For a moment that hope came back to him ; would Jesus seize this
occasion ? Would He be surrounded with the clouds of heaven, as He had
foretold? Would the legions of angels come to His rescue ? Never before had
He permitted Himself so to fall into the hands of His enemies ; now that He
had asserted His claim, in words that not even Simon had ever heard before,
could He suffer Himself to be beaten and put to shame ? Simon stood there
in suspense, expecting he knew not what ; if the earth had opened beneath
them and swallowed them all up, himself included, if the hall had fallen
down upon them, if an angel with a sword of fire had come down to vindicate
the honor of the Son of God, he would not have been surprised. And yet how
differently did the wheel turn ! No angel came to help his Master, no voice
was heard from heaven to glorify His name ; instead the high priest, with
all the dignity of his office, pronounced Jesus Christ a blasphemer, and
the wrath of hell was let loose upon Him. It grew from worse, to worse.
Simon watched the ribald crowd, one by one, come up to his Master and
strike Him ; he watched them spit in His face ; he watched them as they put
a rag about His eyes, he heard them bid Him prophesy. He was paralyzed with
horror ; he could not move. He remembered now the prophecies that all this
would be, prophecies which he had always refused to believe, which more
than once he had contradicted. He had come ' to see the end ' ; it indeed
seemed to be the end of everything for Simon ; faith and love, and
hope-what of them had he left in his poor, laden heart?
Presently the court began to move. It was now far into the night ; the
sentence, or what would stand for a sentence, had been pronounced ; the
prisoner was 'guilty of death ', and it remained only to wait till morning
to put the sentence into execution. They dared not do that themselves ; for
it the permit of the Roman governor was needed. They must put their
prisoner in gaol till dawn, and then their demand for His blood would be
satisfied. A procession began to be formed ; as it passed down through the
courtyard it threatened to come near to Simon. Simon pressed back into the
crowd ; He would not be seen ; now with far greater reason might he have
uttered that prayer of his earliest days :
For I am a sinful man
O Lord.'
For even thy speech doth discover thee
Thou also art a Galilean.'
In the garden
With him?'
I know not what thou sayest
I know not this man of whom you speak.'
But for Simon himself, the words had not escaped his lips when he heard
from the yard outside the crowing of a cock. He had heard it before during
that night, but it had only confused his thoughts ; now he heard it, and at
once the memory of what his Lord had said came back to him :
To-day even this night
Before the cock crow twice
Thou shalt deny me thrice.'
Looked on Peter.'
Looked on Peter
And Peter remembered the word
That the Lord Jesus had said to him,
Before the cock crow twice
Thou shalt deny me thrice,'
